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A few weeks to my wedding, I had to leave WhatsApp and get a new sim card.
I did this because of what I call the "celebrity syndrome". It is a problem affecting a lot of people, especially those with significant followership online.
People who are affected by this syndrome feel like celebrities, even if they are not.The result of this is that they sell their joy to make others happy.
I was there before.
Back then, there was a time I would upload several statuses about some of my friends and we would aim digs at each other.
People perceived that we were very close, but in reality, most of our talking ended on our statuses.
We were spending more time amusing our followers with our nonexistent relationship than we were actually spending nurturing the relationship.
Today, we no longer talk.
I have also seen someone before; he came across a funny meme, he did not laugh, he did not show it to those around him, but he forwarded to his status to amuse his followers.
Such people revel in a celebrity lifestyle at the expense of their own happinness, joy, and deep thought.
A thing that's supposed to uplift their mood, they'll not have the time and consiousness to enjoy it themsleves, rather, their attention will be divided betwen enjoying it and wanting to amuse their followers with it the next second.
Women who are affected by the celebrity syndrome, if their husband does something sweet, they'd be more concerned about how to express the incident to their "followers" than pondering over the real beauty of the moment.
So a woman like this, instead of spending all night revelling in the pleasure of what her husband did, she would spend it replying comments without having moments of deep self-reflection and mindfulness.
If you live like this, you will not be enjoyed by your family. You will not even enjoy yourself.
Your mind will be a clutter of distractions.
You will not be able to focus and revel deeply in anything, all of your concern will be amusing your sometimes nonexistent followers.
To quit this kind of lifestyle, I had to entirely stop posting on Facebook for over a year. And I stopped posting on my WhatsApp status too for close to 6 months.
When I stopped posting WhatsApp statuses, I couldn't believe the extent to which my life changed and the extent to which it had been damaged earlier.
I realized that for over a year, I would be reading, and my biggest concern was not to learn, but to find something to download to my "followers"
I was like a sieve through which water was being poured: I was absorbing nothing myself but passing things on to people.
That is the same reason you'd find marriage counsellors on FB whose marriages are problematic.
The celebrity syndrome takes a big toll on young people's mental health, it makes it impossible to live off other people's reactions.
It also makes people less connected to Allah and to people around them because there are less moments of deep refelction.
If someone affected by this syndrome gives birth, they'd be thinking about a unique and funny way to announce instead of spending some time in isolation marvelling at the pure beauty infront of them and praising Allah.
Because of this, I had to leave Wahtsapp close to to my marriage.
I could not imagine that on the day I was supposed to be happiest, I'd be scrolling through WhatsApp statuses trying to see who posted my IV and who didn't.
Trying to compare how many people posted the IV compared to one of my friends'
Trying to think of a unique way to amuse my "followers".
I completely dedicated myself away from WhatsApp.
After 4 months of being married, I returned to WhatsApp to reply all of the congratulatory messages I was sent.
I made the decision that whatever it was I wanted to express on my status about my mood, or whatever story I wanted to tell to amuse my "followers", I'd instead tell it to those around me in my family.
I would only post when there is something for others to truly benefit.
I decided also, that if I found something funny or amusing, I'd send it to my wife, to my brothers, but not to the world.
This will help in improving your quality of life a lot, and help in overcoming the celebrity syndrome.
But WhatsApp and FB are not dangerous only for people with the "celebrity syndrome", there are other categories of people who are slowly destroying their lives.
Coming online to post all about your personal life and how each of your days went is usually a sign that you are not having healthy relationships with the people around you, and most times, with Allah too.
It is usually a feeling of neglect and the need to be heard that prompts people to post a lot about personal and inconsequential matters.
"This weather is not for me. Dodo is overrated, this pain in my leg,
Okay, so today I saw this cute guy who held his girlfriend's hand. "
These often come from emotionally neglected people who don't have actual confidants in real life.
They feel the urge to have conversations, to tell someone about all the interesting things in their day but can't find anyone, so they resort to their statuses to feel heard, to feel like they have actual confidants.
The more solid relationships and confidants you have, the less likely you are to depend on posting personal affairs on these media.
And the opposite is true too: the more attached you are to social media posting, the less solid your relationship with the people around is likely to be.
Marrying someone who's so attached to posting on social media is a problem because they already see their Whatsapp status or as their confidant, so getting themselves to feel attached to people might be hard.
This thing also results in a big waste of time and contributes to people's emotional instability.
Another problem is that it distracts people from knowing they have a problem that needs to be solved.
It makes them feel like they have confidants, like they have people around them, while they don't.
Once in a while, the emptiness will bite at them and they'd feel really down.
This problem can also be solved by:
Limiting your posting about personal affairs "just to inform" people.
Instead, talk to the people around you about anything exciting you see. Your Mom, your siblings, anyone.
Or privately message close friends and talk to them. But not public statuses.
If you don't have anyone at all, whenever you feel the urge, pick up the Quran, it is Allah calling you unto Himself, and who can ever be a better confidant than He, the ever-living, who knows you better than any friend, is more merciful on you than your parents, and is never tired, but rejoices each time you come knocking on his door.
A poet said:
"If they (the people) lock their doors before you, then Allah has no one guarding his own door from you."
Abdurrahman Olanrewaju Adedokun
Sayf Network